![]() GENTLE BUYER: By all means, pawn the family ruby. Should I pawn the family ruby to buy her new book, or is it mostly reruns of the above? REVIEWER: Just two years ago, at great personal sacrifice, I went out and bought Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, and I am a constant reader of her syndicated column. The humble reviewer may become doused with delusions of grandeur. THERE IS a danger in immersing oneself in Miss Manners' style and substance. I assure you, he doesn't just wear them for decorative purposes." Miss Manners suggests you meet all questions with the cheerful statement "Oh, the braces are utilitarian. In the meantime, you must continue, politely and firmly, to refuse to satisfy unseemly curiosity about his person. "Only when the temporarily able-bodied come to accept disabilities as a common human condition will we have a truly civilized society. You do not even mention the rudeness of being asked questions about your son in front of him, as if he were an object, which Miss Manners finds appalling, too. "GENTLE READER: Miss Manners is gratified that you are willing to deal with the reality of the situation, which is that people always will be asking those rude questions, and that there is no percentage in your son's learning to return the rudeness. ![]() To the mother of a handicapped son who must constantly deal with persons whose "curiosity outweighs their intelligence," Miss Manners wisely replies: There is, of course, the obligatory section on manners while eating, in which are reviewed not only topics Emily Post might have covered, but such helpful extras as how to lick an ice cream cone and what to do about a tablemate who swipes your french fries.Īs an adoptive parent who has had her share of rude questions over the past 20 years, I was particularly gratified with Miss Manners' help for those of use who would like to maintain family grace while under boorish attack. The chapter on weddings also provides help for multiple-parented brides and grooms. In the section entitled "Unpaired Parents," there are discussions of such practical concerns as the mannerly way to conduct the custody weekend and the etiquette required from and towards the parent's live-in companion. Show her a child who has never rebelled against becoming civilized, and she will show you a child who isn't smart enough to realize what those people are trying to do to him."Īs you see, Miss Manners can manage the tricky feat of being an idealist and a realist at the same time.This is best illustrated by her willingness to advise families as they are and not as she might wish they were. Besides, her respect for civilization itself, which it is the goal of child-rearing to instill, is so great that she does not believe it can be absorbed without a struggle. Even Miss Manners doesn't dream she could get away with that. For example, here is Miss Manners tackling the touchy subject of punishment: "It would be nice to say that the proper parent need not be concerned with proper forms of punishment, because if he or she has properly practiced proper child-rearing, there will be no crimes to punish. No one who is even slightly acquainted with Miss Manners needs to be told how thoroughly, how intelligent, and how hilariously she has conducted her affair of honor. " With these words, the inimitahble Miss Manners throws down her impeccably white glove in the cause of civilizing the world in one generation. Actually, the opposite of "polite" is "rude." If you think rude children are better off emotionally than well-behaved ones, you are in luck, because there are so many of them around. ON THE SUBJECT of manners for children, many adults believe that the opposite of "polite" is "creative." Poor little mannerly children, they think - how suppressed and inhibited they must be.
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